Day 1

The past 24 hours have been a rollercoaster. Hearing the Edcon CEO and Bruce Whitfield breakdown started a miss rolling over my spirits. I'd been quite dapper until last night.

But after the Edcon bit, I read a news article

about travel bans being issued. This was such a trigger for me, and suddenly the word 'lockdown' dropped from my psyche and 'house arrest' was installed instead. A new wave of fears rolled over me. This macabre turmoil we are enduring is normalising a kind of authoritarianism that serves the greater good; until it no longer serves the greater good. This morning we took news of 2 Covid 19 deaths in Cape Town. Our first. A week of firsts ending with so much trauma. The start of a metaphorical death and then two actual deaths. Will they have burials? Will their families bade them farewell? Are their families infected? I dont know. Uncertainty compounded by a new uncertainty. No part of life appears to be untouched by this virus. Even the part of life that continues after death. I hit the deck in the shower. It wasn't for too long, but I think isolation and being indoors for almost 3 weeks started to feel heavier now that its official. The energy of staying at home changed for me. My cry in the shower was a reprieve and help to clear the dark cloud sitting in mind and on my heart. Truth be told, today was actually a lovely day. Breakfast in bed. Beautifully presented and lovingly served. Did a coaching session and that was marvelous for my energy and shrugging off the last remnants of darkness. Prayer together, lunch together, prayer together. Supper was random, which is unusual for us. We normally have supper as a family. But I guess the next few weeks will be topsy turvy. I've decided that we won't force a schedule. We will feel each day as it comes. We all have chores. Us doing the garden is going to be new. I think it will be an adventure at first. Then the kids will see it as a new form of parental torture. The kids are extraordinary. They've not complained. They do what they can to stay occupied. They bicker every now and then, but nothing too hectic or protracted. Parental intervention not required. Day 1 was a day of the kids playing and connecting online, Ghaalieb catching 40 winks like only he can and me catching up on some work. We're blessed to be connecting with family and friends throughout the day. That was lovely. I'm so disappointed at the lack of policing on the Cape Flats. And the lack of service to people who need help to create social distancing at shops. People are standing in long queues waiting to get into shops. Its tragic. They need help to create social distancing. They are not stupid. They are not panic buying. They are not trying to spread the virus. They are uninformed. They are marginalized. They are poor. They are not fearful for themselves and for their loved ones. I become really upset when people call them stupid. Covid 19 is a clear danger. Hunger is a more present danger. Loans that must be paid to neighborhood sharks are a vicious present danger. There is no public transport. The poor needs more service. Much more. Without it, covid 19 is going to run us into the ground. Without it, covid 19 begins unstoppable anarchy. In a country where gangs are better armed than the police, we cant afford to take this threat mildly. We are all in grave danger in more ways than we think. Having said all this, there seems to be a life as normal and even a party atmosphere in many townships across the country. Have no idea how to address this. There really is no means of penalising the behaviour. Cant throw people into overcrowded jails. Cant fine them. In many areas, communal taps and toilets make isolation impossible. Township culture is about sharing and relying on each other. Anyways, today I made some progress with the Perfectionism Online Programme. Slowly, slow it getting there. Limited my time on social media and kept TV time down. We've also stopped eating as if we are going into hibernation, so I for one feel physically better. I sneaked out onto the pavement for 20 minutes shortlybefore sunset. Saw one person for the entire time. That was eerie. Normally, people spill out onto the street, walking or jogging at that time. I actually experienced mild excitement when I saw a car in the distance. I felt like a total weirdo. Although the day started with notice of 2 deaths, it turns out it was only one. Although a feint one, I took that as a silver lining and went to sleep with uncharacteristic ease.

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